For a few years, I felt more at home in the world of the dead than the world of the living. I spoke my secrets to them, and thought I heard them respond with their own worries. They seemed so much freer, the dead, not bound by human bodies and all this dumb weight. I watched the dead fly and do somersaults in the sky, laughing in their lightness. So, when I said, I want to be dead, I really just wanted to feel that light.